I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
