he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
