honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
