dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
