Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
