just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am midnight drunk by noon
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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