Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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