he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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