And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
