Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
