I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The air taste purple.
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