Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
