apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i think i have herpe
just one?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
