Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
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mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
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