Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
