Pappa wants mamma naked
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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