My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
