The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
oh god was she eating orange peels again
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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