why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
