I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
