How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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