I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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