im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
