Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
