based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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