I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
