She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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