I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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