Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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