Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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