I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
