Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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