Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
