i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
