He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
