she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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