I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is my gift to your gina
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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