when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
