by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
