You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
