If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
