i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got her a Nickelback box set.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
