I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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