My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
