Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
