I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
