That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
