Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
