Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
