kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
