and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
