id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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