My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
