honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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