so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
