i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
