Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
