Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
