If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
