Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
