...so i touched it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
