just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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