no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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