You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
