he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
