ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
