Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize