..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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