Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
