You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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