i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
