i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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