I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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