So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
