I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
