dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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