i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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